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What Your Craps Bets Say About You

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Everyone has their own betting style, which is great, as long as you aren't betting like a bitch. After you figure out what your bets say about you, take a moment to figure out where you'd like to be and start betting that way. Here's a graph that will quickly help you understand the article that follows. This morning while you were tightening your Velcro shoes and downing your pill buffet, what inspired you to go to the casino. Did you slide through the fog of dementia just long enough to get yourself to the table and place this pussy bet, moments before you were sucked back into your Alzheimer daze? The casino security only has so much patience for wiping the drool from your chin, while you ramble on and on about people you never knew and places you’ve never been.

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While the casino security guards drags your limp body out to the alley, maybe you’ll stop babbling long enough to realize that everyone is laughing at you for making such a nancy boy bet. See above AND your an asshole. At least if you're playing on the pass line you can be a pussy and just go with it. As a don't pass line player you're a dickless loser and you're in denial. You play the most boring bet on the table, and you spite everyone around you. Quit snickering under your breath, no one thinks its a hoot that you're house edge is a fraction of a percent smaller than their because your betting wrong. Go to the strip club before your vegas vacation is over, because you won't get this close to a woman again until you're back in town next year. Okay Mr. Smarty-Pants so you've got some of the lowest house odds in the whole building, but before you made this bet you had to make a pass line bet (see above) so strike one. Moving on... what did you think you were doing today, going to wall street? What you're doing isn't gambling, you're just trading money back and forth with the dealer and when you leave you'll have just as much money as you came in with... bitch. What, you just couldn't wait for the round to end to bet on the pass line?

Even after all the failures that make up your painful and pointless life, you still somewhow think the world revolves around you. When you walk up to a table mid-round take a second and sip your drink. If you don't have the balls to make a real man's bet, the least you can do is have the dignity to wait to make your usual faggot bets with the rest of the losers after the shooter sevens out. You disgust me. You stand alone as the most pathetic person in the room, and fuck, you're in a casino. Your mother played on the don't pass line, your father loved come bets, and the man who thinks he's your father would swan dive off a bridge if he knew you were betting like this, and if you knew any better you'd be right behind him. You're not all bad. At least now you're actually 'gambling'. Sadly you're stuck between the smarts of an odds bettor and the guts of a more refined man. In other words your an idiot and you're a woman.

But hey, it could be worse. Las Vegas is full of lost people who sell their souls everyday just to get buy. You do it evertime you bet. At least if you were putting your money in place bets you could win it all back. You sir, are giving 5% of everything you make to the dealer. This bet carries a tax on the stupid. You're a buy bettor with out the stomach for even a 2% higher house edge. Nuff said. You can feel secure knowing that you aren't as much of a limp wrist bitch as most of the people at your table, but think twice before getting into an elevator with a real man. Keep reading and maybe you can help yourself. If you understand the beauty and grace that comes along with a proposition bet, then you have truly transcended the limits of a simple dice game. You can bet with the confidence that all the players around you look up to and respect you for your manliness.So what is your flavor, hardways or one rolls. Either way your house edge will be in the double digits where it belongs. While all the tourists around you are betting on a specific number, you can't help but be more specific, you want doubles and lady luck will be more than happy to bow to your overwhelming presence.

For the man who has everything but is balsy enough to put it all on the line. Don't sit around like a sucker waiting for a seven or a point. You know it is always the right time to put it all on the out come of the next roll and move on. This bet was practically made for men who value their time more than the 'common people'. If you're playing with one roll bets you're making a statment. You're telling the world you can afford to lose everything you've got, and you don't give a fuck if they know it. Play with the same dice long enough and they'll start growing public hair. If you are ready to up your betting to the next level, you can learn how to use any of these options in our types of craps bets page.

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